


The Things You Said

by Tanouska



Series: Moonstar [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Remus Lupin, First Kiss, Fluff, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Polyamory, Post-Hogwarts, canon offscreen character deaths, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:24:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5517026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanouska/pseuds/Tanouska
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little snippets from the 'Scarry Halloween' universe, ranging from fun times at Hogwarts to the more eventful years after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things you said while we were driving

**Author's Note:**

> All these ficlets are based on [this](http://therealmartinsgrrrl.tumblr.com/post/115636294476/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a) prompts list, which I stumbled upon just after finishing Scarry. I'm writing them in a random order, letting other people pick a random number between 1 and 23.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Hogwarts. Sirius has gotten himself something new and exciting.

Remus looked at the huge motorcycle that stood parked in front of him, while Sirius was bouncing in place next to him.

“Isn’t it a _beauty,_ ” he gushed, stepping forward and stroking the handlebars. “When I saw it, I just couldn’t not take it with me. Who knows who might have bought it otherwise?” He took a piece of cloth out of his pocket and rubbed at a smudge on the gas tank. The gesture was so loving that Remus snorted.

“Do I need to get jealous of a piece of metal?” he asked. Sirius just stuck out his tongue and finished polishing. Then he opened the duffel bag that stood at his feet and handed Remus a helmet, after which he also put one on his own head. Remus looked at the helmet, then at Sirius.

“Uhm, what is your idea with this?”

“We are taking it for a ride, what else?” Sirius grinned widely at him and patted the seat.

“Oh no, no-no-no. I am not riding on that monster. Forget it. It’s bad enough that you’ll risk your life and limbs, mine are just fine without, thanks.” While the speed did have a certain pull, Remus admitted to himself, the fact that there was nothing to protect you when falling negated that pull completely. No need to be smeared over the road, thank you very much.

Sirius stepped toward Remus and tried to whisper in his ear, but instead head-butted Remus with the helmet. With an annoyed huff the pulled the helmet off and tried again.

“No need to risk your limbs, I put some cushioning charms in place before coming here, it’ll be perfectly fine, even if we do fall. Which we won’t.” He put his helmet on again, grabbed Remus’ helmet and pushed it onto his head.

“Come on!” He pushed Remus towards the bike. Remus just sighed and swung one leg over it. There really was no arguing when Sirius had an idea in his head. Better to just go along with it and hope for the best. Sirius gave him another wide grin and slid in front of him. After balancing the bike and showing Remus where to put his feet, he pulled Remus’ arms firmly around himself. “Just hold on tight, move along with me, and everything will be fine!”

He started the bike and drove off.

Remus was holding Sirius as tight as he possibly could, and only after about ten minutes of driving he relaxed somewhat. After another few minutes he started looking around, and when they had driven around for half an hour he was actually enjoying himself immensely. The speed was delicious, the views nice and hugging Sirius in public without any strange looks was glorious.

“This isn’t so bad after all!” he yelled into Sirius’ ear. “We should definitely do this more often, any time you want, I promise!”

It was only after Sirius’ yelled “Oh yeah? Just wait until I’ve managed to make it _fly_!” that he decided that might have been one of the worst things to promise Sirius.


	2. Things you said when you were scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years post-Hogwarts. War is never a good time, this day is worse.

“Shhh, calm down, Sirius.” Remus went to stand behind Sirius and laid his hands on his shoulders. “What is it, what is the matter?”

Sirius was staring in shock at a piece of paper, eyes wide open and tears threatening to spill over. His breathing was either coming in short gasps or stopped altogether. He didn’t answer.

Remus stepped even closer and wrapped his arms around him. “Shh, calm down, just breathe. Breathe along with me, okay?” Sirius seemed to relax the muscles in his back a bit when Remus hugged him, and slowly he began imitating his calm breathing pattern. When they had stood like that for a few minutes, Remus slowly shuffled backwards, pulling Sirius along with him until they reached the couch. He pulled Sirius down next to him but kept hugging him.

“Can you tell me what happened?” He had never seen Sirius in a state like this; never seen him in such panic before. According to James, Sirius had been like this a few times after he had fled his parents’ house and had come to live with James. James had written to Remus for advice, having no idea how to handle the swing of emotions between panic and elation, between silent, thinking Sirius and exuberant Sirius who was constantly coming up with prank ideas and couldn’t sit down for even a second.

Sirius, who had calmed down considerably, still stared at the piece of parchment in his hands. It was so crumpled that Remus couldn’t see what it was about though.

“They killed him,” Sirius whispered, “they murdered him and he wasn’t even-” His voice seemed to stop working and new tears sprung into his eyes.

Remus hugged him a bit tighter and gave him a kiss on his temple. “Who did they murder, Padfoot?” It felt like ice gripped his heart. For something to have this effect on Sirius, it must have been someone close. Many people had been killed during the last few years, and in a way they had gotten somewhat used to it. Sure, it was always horrible, but walking around in a constant state of grief was impossible. When James’ parents had been the victims it had been one of the worst things, but even then Sirius hadn’t been this affected. He had spent so much of his time being there for James, that the shock that he lost them himself too came later, but somewhat dulled. This, however, this had seemed to hit him like a mountain troll.

“They killed him,” Sirius whispered again, and now he looked at Remus. “Moony, they killed Regulus. Why would they kill Regulus, he was barely out of school, he -” He flung himself against Remus, crushing him in a hug that would have bruised if Remus hadn’t been a werewolf.

“Oh Sirius” Remus mumbled into his hair, “I’m so sorry. So sorry.”

“I have to go to the funeral. I have to. ” Sirius seemed to crumble a bit. “They’ll kill me if I go, Remus, my parents will kill me themselves if they see me there, but I _have_ to go. I have to, I need to, I -”

“Shhh, of course you have to go. We will make it work. We can use Polyjuice, or James’ cloak, but I will go with you and it will all work out.” He kissed Sirius on the head again.

Sirius loosened the hug a bit and looked at Remus. “You’ll come with me? It will be a nest of dark wizards, probably even a few Death Eaters. He -” Sirius stopped and took a big breath, something like new fear in his eyes as he searched for Remus’ gaze again. “Regulus was one of them, I think. I’m almost certain. He must have made a mistake, he was so young, he must have made a mistake and they _killed him_.”

Remus wanted to say something, reassure Sirius somehow, but the look of fear in his eyes seemed to disappear and resolve took its place.

“It’s all their fault. My _parents -”_ Sirius almost spat out the last word -“probably pushed him, keeping their own hands clean, but pushing him to join, gushing to their friends about their perfect little Death Eater son, bringing pride to the family name. And now he is dead. _They_ killed him, Moony. I don’t care who held the wand or spoke the curse. It is _their fault._ They will pay, I will make them pay myself.” He suddenly leapt from the couch and started walking around. “I don’t even know if there will be a body for the burial. If Andromeda hadn’t sent me a note I wouldn’t even _know_. I’m not even sure how my parents know, how Andromeda found out. She says they are pretending he died ‘for the greater good’ you know, _the greater good._ ” Sirius stopped walking and yanked on his hair. “How can they be so _stupid?_ ”

Remus stood up when he saw tears returning to Sirius’ eyes.

“How can they be so _stupid_ that they’d send their own son to an almost certain death?”

Remus had no idea how he could reply, so he just hugged him again, hoping that Sirius would feel his shared frustration, anger and fear.


	3. Things you said with too many miles between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Hogwarts. Remus is sent away on a mission, leaving Sirius in London.

Remus looked out over the empty streets and the open space that he could see behind the last houses. It all looked so different yet so much the same as the landscapes he was used to. The grounds of Hogwarts had been quite diverse, with the hills and the lake and even things that most people would consider mountains in the background. He had also grown up in places that had hills and valleys, first in France and later in different parts of England.

The area of Germany that Dumbledore had sent him to was different, though, in a subtle way. The foliage was somehow denser, seemed darker and had a more sinister atmosphere in general. It was rather weird, Remus thought. If you would just go by how things felt when walking around here, you would think this was the place where danger was lurking around in every corner, when in reality the wizarding community had almost exclusively known peace ever since Dumbledore had defeated Grindelwald.

The atmosphere in England, however, always felt safe to Remus, even though the war had been going on for ages; as long as he could remember, even. There had always been talk of threats and danger. Hogwarts had kept most of the negativity somewhat at bay while they were studying, but the dire truth became all the more obvious when they left school and joined the Order.

Yet Remus still couldn’t wait to return, after his mission was over. He missed his flat and all the places he knew and loved. Most of all he missed company, though. Sirius’ company in particular. They had been spending so much time together, whether with Prongs and Wormtail present or not. Most of their free time they were around each other, and now he was way too far away, and it had been 5 days already. 5 long days in which Remus had had many conversations with many different witches and wizards, first in France, then a short stop in Belgium, and now he was here in Germany, hoping to find some allies who would lend their support to the Order, either in person or by sharing some of their unique knowledge.

As if thinking about Sirius had had some kind of _Accio_ -effect, Remus could finally see the speck in the distance that he had been waiting for, for almost an hour. The speck grew bigger and bigger until Remus could recognise the same owl that had been scratching at his window on Halloween. This time the bird was much more welcome, though, and was carrying a normal letter instead of a Howler. Remus almost found it a pity. Hearing Sirius talking and ranting in his real voice always had a certain charm that written words lacked. Once the owl was really close, Remus opened the window and stuck out his arm, to safely guide the owl inside. He had a bowl of water and food ready on the desk, and seeing how the owl attacked it, it was very welcome. Remus untied the letter while the owl was drinking and sat down on the bed with it.

_Moony!_

_Siriusly, this is no fun. Letters are annoying and no way to spend my time, can’t you just Portkey to and from wherever Dumbledore decides to send you?_

Remus snorted, this was the 4th letter he had received from Sirius, even though he only had had the chance to reply to two of them. So far Sirius had complained how awful writing was in every single one of them, claiming that they had had to do enough writing in school, and that Remus should return as soon as possible to save him from it all.

 _Surely the long-distance Portkeys are safe enough by now, I hear the Department for Magical Transportation has been working on them for_ years _. Even Ministry folks can’t be that slow, can they?_

_Anyway, enough about all that, when are you coming home? Auror training isn’t half as much fun as I thought it would be, this week is all theory, no practical application of anything ever! They sure know how to drive us mad! Even James is complaining even though this means he has more free time to spend with Lily, since studying the material is hardly needed for him, he knows most of it from the time Aaron was an active Auror. That means however that I’m left with Peter and he has been away quite a lot too, I think he might have a girlfriend hidden somewhere… Maybe he kidnapped her... Should I check that out? As a future Auror? Sounds like good practice, maybe I’ll follow him one day, train my stealth and hiding._

_Speaking of the devil, Peter is at the door. Maybe I’ll try some interesting interrogation techniques we learned about yesterday instead, who knows what I’ll find out!_

_Tsh, he just keeps banging on the door, hasn’t anyone told him that’s considered rude? Anyway, hope I’ll see you soon, Dumbledore’d better not keep you occupied another weekend; I_ will _put in a complaint!_

At this point in the letter there were some ink splatters and suddenly someone else’s handwriting had taken over.

_Hi Remus! Hope you are having fun wherever you are right now! Sirius has been sulking most of the time since you’ve been gone, so I’m taking him to the pub tonight! See you soon!_

Once again there were scratches and splatters and Sirius scrawl was back.

_That sneaky rat crept in through the window. No patience whatsoever, that one. I have NOT been sulking, don’t believe Peter! I am, however, going to the pub now; otherwise Peter will never shut up._

_Byebye! Miss you!_

Remus looked at the last words fondly. That was the first time Sirius actually admitted he missed him, instead of just complaining that everything wasn’t going as he liked. Grabbing a new piece of parchment and a quill he got up and sat down at the desk, where the owl was now contentedly munching on a treat. He had some free hours before he could meet his next contact and Sirius obviously deserved a long letter after what he (and Peter) just wrote.


	4. Things you said through your teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Year Post Hogwarts. Remus is on an assignment for the order, but sometimes things don't go as planned.

Remus stood stock-still, a feeling of horror spreading through his body. This was not supposed to happen; this was supposed to be an easy assignment, a solo-assignment even. Yet here he was, staring at Sirius, who was in his Apprentice Auror robes (dark green with Auror-red back and front panels), and clutching at his leg, which was singed from above the knee, down to the point where his boots began.

Dumbledore had asked Remus to go to this small warehouse outside of Hogsmeade, asked him to investigate some rumours that had reached the ears of one of their informers. Apparently the Ministry had heard the same rumours and the Aurors had sent a team of three of their apprentices to see what the fuss was all about. They probably figured it was a harmless rumour and it would be good practice for their new recruits.

The rumour had been anything but false, though. When Remus had arrived and started looking around, sounds of other people had sounded from outside. He cast a quick disillusionment charm and hid in a corner, hoping none of others knew the _Homenum Revelio_ charm. Just a few minutes of eavesdropping had revealed that he was not dealing with dark wizards after all, but with a small group of criminals whose main objective was smuggling illegal potion ingredients from across the pond. Deciding that this was obviously not an Order matter, but rather something to maybe send an anonymous tip to the Ministry about, he started slowly making his way to the exit. Just when he finally had the door in sight, he could hear loud voices outside, one of which sounded a bit too familiar.

After that, all hell had broken loose and now here he was, staring at Sirius and feeling like he had been hit with a Stunning Spell. The two other Ministry employees were in pursuit of the criminals and it was just them in the warehouse. After a second he shook off the petrified feeling, cancelled the Disillusionment Charm and sank to his knees next to Sirius. The burns on his leg were too severe for a simple healing spell and he didn’t have any Essence of Dittany on him. It was only after he finished the assessment of the damage that he saw the look on Sirius’ face. Bewilderment was visible behind the pained grimace on his face.

“Remus?!” He grunted. “What are you doing here?”

“Order,” was all Remus had to say.

“Get out of here!” Sirius replied. “I called for backup as soon as we found out we weren’t alone, the Ministry can’t find you here! Go!” He even let go of his leg for a second to make a shooing motion, but his face blanched and he grabbed it again immediately.

“But you’re injured! I can’t just leave you here!” Remus stammered, grabbing his wand and desperately trying to think of a spell that might help Sirius.

“Go, you idiot!” Sirius said through his teeth, drops of sweat appearing on his forehead from the pain and the effort it took not to react to the pain in a more obvious manner. “They can’t know about the Order, and what if they think you are one of the criminals? Can’t have them arresting you. Go! I’ll be fine, they’ll arrive any second now.” After this short speech he had to close his eyes and take some deep breaths, forcing the air through his teeth.

Sirius was right, Remus knew that. Standing up, Apparating away and abandoning him there was still one of the hardest things he had had to do in this war so far.


	5. Things you said when you were drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7th year at Hogwarts. It's the end of the year party, and Sirius thinks something is missing.

It was the last weekend of the semester, the last weekend of their seventh year, and their last weekend at Hogwarts ever. The very last exams had been finished the night before, as Astronomy practicals required a dark sky and in June that wasn’t until very late indeed. This night, the traditional 7th year farewell party was held in the Hufflepuff common room, the preferred location due to its proximity to the kitchens. As always the teachers pointedly looked the other way when some students logged crates of food and drinks from one room to the next, and all the younger Hufflepuffs had small parties of their own in their dormitories.

The Marauders had volunteered for decorating duty, so they were one of the first non-Hufflepuff partygoers to be on scene, and by the time the party was in full swing they all had finished quite some Butterbeers . They still cheered when someone produced a few bottles of firewhiskey and other stronger stuff, proposing drinking games, and participated with much enthusiasm. It started with a surprisingly innocent round of truth or dare, but soon evolved into a session of ‘never have I ever’ that showed that most participants weren’t as innocent as the previous game suggested.

Remus wasn’t surprised very often by any of the times one of the Marauders had to drink, the fact that both James and Lily drank when the inevitable ‘Never have I ever had sex’ came around was a given, although Remus did wonder where that had taken place, since they had only become a couple after the schoolyear had started and had stayed in school for all the Holidays. Then he remembered they both had access to the prefects bathroom and quickly adjusted his line of thinking. He had also enjoyed many soaks in there, and thinking of all the stuff that might have gone on in all the years of prefects taking advantage of the big tub wasn’t in very good for a calm state of mind. It did give him a good question for his next turn though.

He nudged Sirius, who was sprawled over the couch beside him.

“Want to bet who blushes more, Prongs or Lily, when I ask who has been up to no good in the Prefects bathroom?”

It turned out to be James, who turned a shade of scarlet that could almost compete with his Gryffindor tie, while Lily simply raised an eyebrow and looked at Remus with a ‘So? Like you are such a saint’ expression on her face.

It was somewhat of a surprise to see that Peter had kissed more people than Sirius had. He really was good at sneaking around, it seemed, which kind of explained his Animagus form, perhaps.

 

When the evening turned into the night, more and more people started either disappearing to dormitories or into the hallway, or simply falling asleep in a drunken heap of cuddles. James and Lily were entangled in a large chair and Peter, Sirius, Remus, Kingsley and two Ravenclaws were hanging on and around a matching couch. Peter was snoring softly, his head resting on the armrest while his feet had ended up in Remus’ lap. Sirius was leaning against Remus on the other side, and was tickling Peter’s feet with a conjured feather, giggling like crazy every time Peter snorted in response. After Peter had pulled his feet in so he was out of reach, Sirius directed his tickling to Remus’ nose. Remus decided to try and blow the feather away, which must have been a funny sight, because Sirius dissolved into a giggling mess again. All the beer and Firewhisky obviously had done a good job on him and he was obviously very, very drunk. Remus banished the feather, resulting in a big pout from Sirius, but nudged him to look at the chair, where James and Lily were snogging like there was no one else around.

“Think we should tell them to get a room?” He mock-whispered to Sirius. James had obviously heard though, because he flipped them off and pulled Lily even closer.

Remus grinned and turned to Sirius again, who was still looking at James and Lily, a bit wistfully.

“That must be nice” he sighed.

“What?” Remus asked, a bit confused. “Snogging Lily?”

“No, you know, kissing the person you like, not caring what anyone thinks or who is watching?”

Remus threw him a confused look, he had never taken Sirius for a shy person, and since when did he care what other people thought?

“Well, why don’t you? No-one here is very judgemental, and even if they were, no-one is going to remember tomorrow anyway, with all the alcohol that has been consumed tonight. Unless they don’t want to, of course” He looked at Sirius inquiringly, wondering who had caught his eye this time.

Sirius however was the one looking flustered now, almost the same shade that James had been. He muttered something, but Remus couldn’t understand a word of it.

“What was that?”

“I said that I don’t think they’d like it,” Sirius mumbled, this time a bit more understandable.

“Oh, come on!” Remus replied, giving Sirius a mild shove against the shoulder. “Who wouldn’t want to be kissed by you?” He certainly would, but he wasn’t drunk enough by far to admit that out loud, damn his lycanthropy. Sirius, however, looked at him, looked away, looked back again and mumbled,

“You wouldn’t, would you?” Remus couldn’t believe his ears. Was he drunk after all? No, he definitely had heard that right. A wide grin appeared on his face and he grabbed Sirius by the neck.

“Come here, you idiot” he said, and planted his lips on Sirius’s. It was awkward, there were bumping noses, but it was still great, as far as Remus was concerned. He pulled back after a minute.

“Can you promise me something?” He asked, ignoring the wolf-whistles Kingsley was sending their way. Sirius nodded, looking a bit dazed. “Please remember this when you wake up tomorrow?”


	6. Things you didn’t say at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 years post Hogwarts. Remus returns to England after an assignment for the Order, but things back home aren't what he's expecting. At all.

Remus was tired. He felt it deep in his bones and his eyes were burning from being up so long. He was almost home, though, and when he arrived he could finally hug Sirius again and then sleep, sleep for at least 16 hours, then wake up and hug Sirius some more.

Dumbledore had once again sent him to the mainland, this time to go undercover with a group of known werewolves, who lived in a community of their own in France, not wanting to be bothered and not bothering anyone else, or so they claimed. Dumbledore had had his doubts about that, fearing that Voldemort might have contacted them, promised them better lives in Britain once he was in power, if only they provided some help now. Remus had heard about the community before, and in all honesty had doubted Dumbledore’s suspicions, but he had gone nonetheless, claiming that he was tired of all the prejudice he had faced after leaving school and seeking refuge in the country of his youth, with people who knew what he had gone through. They had welcomed him with open arms, provided him with anything he might need, even given him jobs that made him feel useful. In the first two weeks he hadn’t noticed anything amiss, he had even spent the full moon with them and it had been almost as good as one spent with his own pack. This community lived in a secluded forest, so they could roam around freely without endangering anyone. The freedom had been wonderful and Remus had actually been looking forward to spending another moon here, even though he was missing Sirius and his friends like crazy. He also didn’t want to miss too much of little Harry growing up. The cub was showing many signs of magic, and Remus couldn’t be a prouder uncle, so he was quite sad about missing Halloween this year.

Everything had gone south about a week after the full moon. There had been whispers about other visitors that were returning, and some of the community members had actually left, but didn’t give a reason to Remus, of course. That reason had become obvious once the visitors arrived. Remus hadn’t been part of the welcoming committee, what with him being a guest himself, but he had been looking through the windows of one of the houses that overlooked the main road. His blood had turned to ice when he saw them. Saw Him. Fenrir Greyback. Remus had felt the hairs on his neck rising and almost couldn’t hold back a growl. He had wanted to run outside, to attack him with all the power he could muster and kill him, even though he had never wanted to kill anyone before.

It was only by doing mental exercises that Poppy had taught him when he was still young, and keeping in mind that he was here on a mission, that he had been able to stop himself. He had spent another two days in the community, carefully avoiding the communal buildings. Apparently Fenrir and the others had been asking about him, intrigued that there was another British guest, but Remus was able to avoid actually meeting them, or even being in the same room. Fenrir probably would have recognised him immediately, if not by sight, then by smell.

Remus found out that while Fenrir and his cohorts had been regular guests, they hadn’t convinced the community yet, or at least not all of them, or even most of them. With that information in mind, and thinking of asking Dumbledore for reasons to convince them to stay away from the fight, Remus said goodbye to a few people and slipped away in the evening, hoping to be back in England by the next day. Soon after leaving he had noticed he was being followed. It took more than a day to be entirely sure he had shaken them off, and without them having a clue who he was. It had required some questionable spellwork but the end result had been worth it.

So here he was, on the muggle train from France to England, no sleep for almost 36 hours and still being unable to get some rest; he had never been able to sleep on trains. Half an hour later, the train slowed down and crept into the station.

Remus staggered out, thankful that his baggage had been shrunk and enhanced with a Featherweight Charm. He wanted nothing more than Apparating home as soon as he could get into an abandoned alley, but he was simply too tired, which meant that he needed to walk all the way to the Three Broomsticks to enter Diagon Alley. It was early in the morning and the muggle streets were strewn with people making their way to work, some cradling steaming cups of coffee. Once Remus entered the Three Broomsticks, the whole atmosphere changed. Instead of residual sleepiness combined with a certain grumpiness, the atmosphere was happier; there were signs of late night partying, which Tom obviously hadn’t cleaned up yet (quite odd, considering Halloween had been two nights ago), and the wizards and witches that were having an early breakfast were talking happily, cheerily even. He hadn’t sensed such a state of joy in a long time; it was like some ever-present glumness had disappeared. It was quite catching, and Remus felt some energy returning.

“Well, you look like you’ve been out partying all night!” Tom, the barkeeper, greeted jovially when Remus walked past him.

“Partying? Why would I have been partying?” Remus asked. “Today _is_ the second of November, right?” What with all the travelling, Remus wasn’t completely sure.

“Why the partying?! _Why the partying?!_ ” Tom replied. “What, have you just crawled out from under a stone or something?”

“Or something,” Remus repeated, somewhat irritated. He did not have the energy for this.

Tom grabbed two papers from behind the bar and thrust them at Remus.

“Read these,” he said, after which he was called away by an impatient customer.

Remus stuffed the newspapers under his arm and resumed his trek to his chamber, tapping the right brick on instinct more than thought, and he stumbled on until he could finally close his own door behind him. The flat was empty. Remus was disappointed, as he had hoped to catch Sirius before he went off to work today. Perhaps he had gotten the early shifts after all. Remus stumbles on to his bedroom, threw the papers on his bed and took his luggage out of his pocket. Just when he was about to slip off his clothes, his eyes fell on the headlines of the newspaper, which had fallen open.

**‘WAR IS OVER, VOLDEMORT DEFEATED’,**

it read in big, bold letters. Remus dropped the coat he had just taken off and sat down on the bed, grabbing the paper, disbelief raging through his head. It couldn’t be, could it? He quickly skimmed the first paragraph. Dark Mark in the sky, big explosion heard in the whole village, not a sign of him after that, mayhem in Azkaban when multiple captured Death Eaters started screaming in pain simultaneously around that same time. Remus felt tired glee bubbling in his whole body. It seemed true, too good to be true, but actually true!

Then his eyes fell on the second paragraph, a few words standing out. Godric’s Hollow, two fatalities, one survivor, young child. It couldn’t be… Cold crept back into Remus, dread replacing glee in a blink. Maybe there was another young family in Godric’s Hollow - was he horrible for hoping it was another family? He couldn’t help it though, he really hoped it was.

The Potters had gone into hiding, using the new Fidelius Charm, that plan was about the last thing he had heard before going undercover. It couldn’t be them, it _had_ to be some other couple. They were safe, Dumbledore had said they would be safe, not to worry.

Remus frantically rushed through the rest of the paper, to see if there was any sign of who the family had been. On page 5 there had been a small section which said the rumours claimed it had indeed been the Potters, but there was no certainty yet. Remus tried to hold on to the last spark of hope that he still felt. He looked at the date of the paper. November 1st. The second paper was November 2nd, so with trepidation he unfolded that one and all his worst fears came true.

James and Lily, happily-married-and-just-had-a-little-boy James and Lily, were dead. Voldemort had murdered them, tried to murder little Harry, the poor little cub, but he had failed. Somehow, something had caused the spell to fail, killing Voldemort himself instead. Dead, just like James and Lily. Tears fell onto the paper, even though Remus felt mostly numb, numbed by shock and disbelief.

He stood up; started pacing beside his bed. How could nobody have told him, contacted him? How could Sirius just have left for work like it was any other day? He hardly ever spent the night at his own place anymore, and had asked Remus if he could crash here even though Remus himself would be gone. But now he wasn’t here. Remus clenched and unclenched his hands, then ran them over his robes, his unease and incomprehension seeking a way out. Maybe Sirius was making arrangements, maybe he was with little Harry? Yes, that must be it. He was Harry’s godfather after all. Of course he would be with Harry, even though the paper had said that Harry had been put in custody with family, location unknown. Surely Sirius would be there, trying to console the poor little thing. Maybe Peter was there too. They hadn’t contacted him because only Dumbledore would know where to find him, and even he would have had problems to do so while he had been hiding from his pursuers after leaving the community. Plus, Dumbledore had better things to do than contacting him; official tasks now that the war was officially over. There would still be mountains of tasks to fulfil, trials to be held now that there was finally time to spare.

Remus let himself fall backwards on the bed, felt the tears still leaking from his eyes, his breath coming in gasps. Was this what Sirius had felt like when he had heard about his little brother? He ran his hand past his eyes, took a deep breath. He grabbed the paper from beside his head, deciding to read the article one more time, just to be absolutely sure. Only once he had read the first article again, from start to finish, did he notice the smaller article in the lower left corner.

**12 muggles and wizard killed, suspect arrested.**

Remus was surprised; he’d have thought all the muggle killing would have come to an end now. He read the rest of the article and felt the world slipping from underneath him. _Street blown to bits, 12 muggle casualties, Peter Pettigrew killed, say bystanders. Suspect taken into custody not long after, Black sent to prison, no trial._

Remus felt the paper slipping from his fingers. He pulled his legs up unto the bed, folded himself into a ball, big gasping sobs wrecking through his body. One piece of paper and his whole pack was gone; his whole world shattered to dust, nothing left, just emptiness, pain and, most of all, a complete and utter sense of betrayal. Sirius, how could Sirius, his Sirius, have done this, killed Peter, killed all those muggles? His mind worked overtime, going through all different scenarios that could possibly explain this. How had Voldemort gotten past the Fidelius Charm? Why would Sirius murder all those people? Only one word came to mind, a word that chilled Remus’ heart and made him sob even harder.

Betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was hard to write, so many thanks to Seaweedredandbrown for the tips and hints for improvement and, as always, The_Lady_of_Purpletown for the excellent beta and the encouragement.


	7. Things you said with no space between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years post Hogwarts. When Remus decides to visit Sirius during his nightshift on desk duty, they get interrupted.

Remus could feel Sirius shaking against his back and side, barely making a sound, his face stuffed against the back of Remus’ shoulder. Remus was having a hard time staying quiet too, but still managed to nudge Sirius with his elbow and hiss a soft “Sssh!” over his shoulder.

He could hear someone walking behind the door, muttering to themselves and moving stuff around. He let his head fall (softly) against the door and inhaled deeply, trying to get his breathing under control. Sirius also seemed to have regained his breath somewhat, his head now resting on Remus’ shoulder instead of pressed against it.

“That was close,” he whispered in Remus’ ear. “I was almost certain they were going to catch us, this was a terrible idea!” He started laughing again, and Remus felt like banging his head against the door.

“Cut it off!” he hissed, and he pushed Sirius backwards, as far as that was possible in the small closet they were stuffed in, trying to turn around without jostling the door or making a sound. Once he had succeeded, now plastered against Sirius from shins to chest, he put his hand over Sirius’ mouth, softening the low sounds of giggles.

“Sirius, I mean it, I don’t want to get caught,” he whispered. This had all been a very bad idea. Destined to go wrong, probably. But it had been Sirius’ sixth nightshift, which meant he had been spending his days sleeping in his ministry issued housing, which he now shared with some Auror trainee who had moved in after James moved out when he had married Lily. Since that girl didn’t, and shouldn’t, know about their relationship, Remus hadn’t seen Sirius in almost a week. A long week which, on top of everything else, had featured a full moon, which he had spent with Peter. Having a friend nearby was always good, but the rat couldn’t physically influence the wolf like the stag or dog could, so they had been cooped up, making the wolf restless, which left Remus feeling like crap for the next few days. He had really craved Sirius’ company, which in the end resulted in the both of them stuck in this closet, hiding from one of Sirius’ colleagues who had unexpectedly returned from a patrol, probably something to do with paperwork.

They had barely been able to hide, hearing the Auror arriving with Floo powder in the room next to the desk. Which left them here, stuck until the other person left.

“If they find me here, they’ll think I’m in league with dark wizards for sure. Your boss never trusted me. They’ll probably put you on probation too, for aiding a suspected criminal,” Remus continued, now whispering directly into Sirius’ ear. Sirius didn’t seem to be paying attention, though, as he was pressing kisses against Remus’ hand, and when that didn’t get a proper reaction, he tried to stick his tongue in between his fingers.

“Wait a second,” Remus whispered, his hand dropping from Sirius’ mouth, smearing the saliva on Sirius’s own robes. “Why the hell did you even hide too, you idiot? Now they’ll go looking for you when they see you aren’t behind the desk. You know, the one you aren’t supposed to leave under any circumstance?” That seemed to get Sirius’ attention at last.

“Uhm.” Even though it was nearly dark in the closet, Remus could see Sirius’ cheeks darkening. “I, uh, I guess I panicked for a bit?” He now looked a bit sheepishly at Remus, who once again felt the dire need to bash his head against something.

“You panicked? _You panicked?_ ” Remus poked Sirius in the chest, even though it lacked any strength due to the limited space. “You are supposed to be an _Auror,_ trained for combat and fast thinking. I know they cut the program short but –” He tried to stay serious, he really did, but Sirius now looked so perplexed by his own actions that it was now Remus trying to hide his sniggers in Sirius’ robes. Soon he could feel Sirius joining his laughter, although this time he did a better job at keeping silent.

It took them a while to stop their silent laughter, one setting the other off again as soon as they regained some composure, helped a lot by their awkward positioning and even more absurd situation in general.

“So, mister Auror,” Remus whispered once they were both silent, using the opportunity to press a quick kiss on Sirius’ cheek. “What is your genius plan for getting us out of here?”

“Wait it out? Listen until they’re in another room and I’ll get out real quick and pretend I was in the bathroom? It might get me written up for abandoning my post, but still better than having allowed an outsider in, right?” He punctuated the last part with a kiss to Remus’ lips, to convey that he didn’t blame him for coming; he had been very welcome after all.

“Or,” a loud voice sounded outside the door, “you could just come out now and spare us all the effort.” The door behind Remus’ back opened and they tumbled out, losing their support. Remus fell on his back, fearing the worst, only to look up into the grinning face of James.

“You know, I was wondering when the two of you might come out of the closet, but I didn’t expect something so literal,” James quipped.

Remus rolled his eyes and pushed Sirius aside, who had started laughing again and didn’t show any intention of getting up. Stupid James and his lame jokes. He still felt the adrenalin of being discovered surging through his veins.

“You guys are so very lucky I was the one arriving before schedule,” James said, now adopting a more serious tone. “Didn’t either of you learn the new Muffliato Charm? The Order has been using it for weeks now, really useful. Anyone with a good set of ears would have heard the two of you laughing in there.” Sirius stopped laughing and now Remus was the one looking sheepish. They had both learned the spell, and not remembering it when it might actually have been handy, that was just careless. James was never one to stay serious for long though. He started grinning again and hopped onto a desk.

“Just be glad I wasn’t Crouch, right? That would’ve put a damper on the little party you were having! Mind if I join for a bit? I’m on patrol duty and if this isn’t the most boring shift ever, I’ll eat my wand! I thought I’d keep poor Sirius here-” He nudged him with a toe, as Sirius was still on the ground, “-entertained for a bit, but three is always better than two, right? Anyone up for some Exploding Snap?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Muffliato Charm was one of Snape’s Charms in his Potions book. I decided he probably passed it on to the Order once he changed sides, you know, as a sign of goodwill.


	8. Things you said after it was over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 21 years post Hogwarts, after the Battle for Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be cracky, but the story had other ideas. Ah well.

Remus awoke slowly. Well, it felt like waking, but he wasn’t altogether sure that he was actually asleep. He certainly didn’t remember going to sleep. All he remembered was… Oh god. No. It couldn’t be true. But he could see it happening in his mind’s view, again and again. The fights, the hordes of Death Eaters and then, almost at the end, (the end, was there an end?) Tonks. His beautiful, feisty and wonderful Tonks. Hit in the back by the hellish green of _Avada Kedavra_ , while shoving a student out of the way of another spell, a nasty purple one. Of course that was how she would have gone, saving someone else from death; from an awful painful death that was debatably even worse than _Avada Kedavra_. It would either have been that way or tripping over her own feet and tumbling down stairs, breaking her neck in the process.

Remus felt confused. How could he think all these horrible thoughts, reliving the worst (or second worst, but there was no way that watching one love die in front of you was worse than watching another come to the same fate, was there?) moment of his life, without feeling a heavy stab of pain, a wrenching feeling of his insides being mauled by a dull twisting blade? He knew how it should feel, had been feeling some gradation of it during these last two years. But now it somehow felt like everything was ok, everything would be fine. He did still feel confused, however, because while he remembered all that, he still wasn’t sure what had happened, what this ‘end’ was that he had just so casually thought about. There was only one way to find out, he supposed. He would have to open his eyes.

As soon as he did so, he closed them again as fast as he could. No. No way. He didn’t know what kind of spell had hit him, which had him imagining things, _seeing_ things. Or maybe he was simply dying and his mind was sending him calming images, because he could have sworn he had seen Sirius. It had only been a glimpse, but he had seemed quite young, not yet marked by 12 years in Azkaban. Remus didn’t feel pain, though, so dying probably wasn’t what was happening.

Just as he was about to open his eyes once more, he felt a hand touch his shoulder, a touch that he had felt a thousand times before, would have recognised anywhere, but hadn’t felt for two years, hadn’t expected to ever feel again. _Sirius_. His eyes flew open and indeed, Sirius was kneeled by his side, whereas Remus himself seemed to be lying on the ground. Remus flung himself upward, first grabbing Sirius by his shoulders, then tugging him into a hug. He could feel tears pricking behind his eyes.

“How is this possible?” he muttered into Sirius’ neck. “You are dead. I saw you die.” He held back a sob, although he didn’t know if it was one of happiness or residual pain. “But you are real, I can feel you, I can even smell you - you should take a shower,” he joked through his tears, trying to break the tension he was feeling. He could feel Sirius smiling in response.

“Well, the thing is,” he said, gripping Remus a bit tighter, “so are you. Remember what happened to Tonks? Just a few minutes after, they got you too.”

Remus pulled away, looking at Sirius’ face in disbelief.

“What, but, how? I-” he spluttered, but Sirius pressed a finger against his lips.

“Shhh.” He seemed just the tiniest bit delighted that for once he was the calm one. “It’s normal that you don’t remember. None of us do. Too _traumatic_ or something along those lines. You were amazing, though, I think you took at least 7 of them with you, it was quite glorious! You saved so many of the students that night, Remus, you did so well.” Now he kissed Remus, softly, and Remus once again melted against him, resuming the hug he had aborted. Somehow the notion that he had died wasn’t really a problem, it’s what happened, right? And apparently there was an afterlife after all, an afterlife which included Sirius so there was hardly any reason to be worried about his death. He returned Sirius’ kisses with tender enthusiasm.

He enjoyed it for a while, having missed it so much. Even after he had gotten together with Tonks, it had never gone away. Tonks. His wife Tonks. Oh gods, his marriage, _Teddy!_ Remus pulled back again and stared at Sirius with wide eyes.

“Sirius, no- wait- oh no. Sirius. I can’t.” Remus had never had as much difficulty with selecting the words he wanted to use as he did right then. “Tonks – Teddy! I – oh my god, Teddy.”

The tears that had still been in his eyes now spilled over and made streaks on his cheeks. His breath started hitching and he grabbed Sirius by his underarms. He couldn’t seem to get another word out, and panic tightened his chest, the unnatural calm that he had felt disappearing completely now that he had thought of his son, his little cub. How could he even have forgotten! Dying might factor into it, and seeing Sirius, but _Teddy._ His panic just kept rising.

But then he felt two arms circling his back, arms smaller than the ones he was still gripping, and a haze of purple entered his peripheral vision. Tonks. She hugged him tight, and started whispering against his back.

“Remus, calm down, you’re okay. I’m okay. Teddy will be okay. I promise.”

Remus felt himself calm down, almost like she had given him a verbal Calming Potion. Of course Tonks knew what he was panicking about, she had always been able to tell what was bothering him, always been able to soothe his worries and bring a new perspective to things. Been able to help him when his grieving over Sirius reared his head every once in a while. His breathing calmed too, and he felt capable of forming words again.

“How can Teddy be okay, though?” He cleared his throat and let go of one of Sirius’ arms, to turn into Tonks’ hug a bit more. “He lost you, he lost both of us… He’s an orphan now, we both know how that turns out for so many people, look at Harry, look at Neville…” Worry still creased his forehead and Tonks leaned her head against his.

“He will be okay, because he has my mother, and the worst thing she ever did to me was give me my name, and we already took care of that, didn’t we?” Both Remus and Sirius chuckled, and Tonks continued. “Besides, now that you mention Harry, do you really think he will abandon him? Of course not! He will make sure Teddy has a great childhood, with not even a hint of what he himself went through. Teddy will be loved, and he will know that he’s loved. He will know that we loved him, with all our hearts. Okay? It will be fine, you’ll see.”

Remus just nodded and grabbed her arms that circled his chest with his own loose arm, still not sitting in an angle where he could properly hug her, but he didn’t want to let go of Sirius either, still afraid he would go up in smoke as soon as they lost contact.

“Tonks” he said with trepidation, throwing a worried glance at where he was still gripping Sirius’ arm tightly. “I have to tell you, I kissed Sirius just now. I didn’t think- I,”

Tonks shushed him before he could go any further.

“Of course you did, you just saw him again after two whole years of missing him. If you _hadn’t_ kissed him I would’ve gotten worried about your mental health!” She laughed when she saw the somewhat baffled look on Remus’ face. “Oh come on, did you expect me to react like some kind of Banshee? Surely you know me better than that. Sirius and I had a very good conversation before you deigned to show up.”

Sirius broke in at this point, seeing the confused expression on Remus’ face.

“Yes, Moony, you did arrive only a few minutes after Tonks here, but time here is fluid, some might even call it wibbly-wobbly. It’s slow when you need it and flies by when you’re bored, quite handy, really.” He squeezed Remus’ arm and nodded to Tonks. “Please continue.”

“Look Remus, I’ve always known how much you love Sirius, and how much you grieved when he was gone. I also know you love me very much too, I’ve never doubted that. Even when I still had to convince you that I wasn’t too young for you, I knew you cared very much for me, I knew because you protested so hard.” She gave him a soft kiss on his shoulder. “Why do you think I fought for you to admit it? I knew you had enough love for the both of us, and that will not change now that Sirius is actually around, it’s not something that will run out, you know?”

Remus smiled at that point and gave her a soft headbutt.

“Are you certain? You know how greedy Sirius can be.” he said, winking.

“In our talk” Sirius now said, scooting a bit closer so he was almost leaning against Remus’ side that wasn’t covered by Tonks, “we both decided that we could share your company, if that’s alright with you, of course. We literally have all the time in the world after all.”

Remus looked from left to right, from Sirius’ expectant face to Tonks, who nodded encouragingly. Remus started grinning, widely, and pulled them both close.

“Of course, idiots. Both of you.”

~

After they had sat there for a while, simply enjoying the company, Tonks untangled herself and stood up, almost tripping only once.

“Well, that was quite enough touchy-feely stuff for my first hour in the afterlife; I’m going to see who else is around. Think Merlin is up for a chat?” She grinned at them, turning her hair long and white for a second. “I believe you two have some catching up to do, and I’d rather not be around for that.” She winked at them, and Sirius made a half-hearted attempt to trip her by extending one of his legs in her general direction.

“Get going then, and tell Merlin that he still owes me for that bet we had last month!” Tonks just stuck her tongue out at him and left.

Remus pulled Sirius towards him again and snuggled close, laying his head on Sirius’ shoulder. Something was still gnawing at him, though, so he gave Sirius a kiss and looked at him again, face happy but serious.

“Hey, Padfoot, are you sure you are okay with this? Tonks kind of knew what to expect, that I still loved you so much even after you died. You never asked for this, though, didn’t have any say in it either. Are you absolutely sure?”

Sirius just looked at him like he was being difficult again.

“Yes, Remus, I’m sure. I may not have been there, but I saw enough to know that you love her, and I think you would always be a little miserable without me _or_ her. Why would either of us ever want that? We love you too, you know?”

Remus wanted to react to that declaration, but he got side-tracked by one snippet of it.

“Wait, you saw us? You could see us?” He raised an eyebrow, a bit suggestively, and Sirius started to giggle.

“Yes you can sometimes see what’s going on, although seeing is not really the right word, it’s hard to explain. But no, you don’t get to play voyeur in the afterlife.” Remus joined his laughter.

“Well, thank goodness. That would really have been awkward. You sure you’re okay though?”

Now Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Yes, Remus, I really am sure, now stop whinging. Besides, at least you kept it in the family, right?”

Remus’ groans got muffled by a combined kissing and tickling attack from Sirius, and he decided that this really must be some form of heaven.


	9. Things you said when we were on top of the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The summer post Hogwarts - James and Sirius receive some excellent news.

Sirius and James were bouncing around the back garden of Peter’s house, two almost identical letters still clenched in their fists and sparks in all colours of the rainbow spouting from the wands in their arm holsters.

“So, Peter,” Remus said, “what do you think? Did they get in?”

The both of them were lounging in two of the four chairs that James had Conjured at the side of a small lake, where they had all been lazing about, until two imposing looking owls had arrived for the two bouncing balls of joy that were currently trying their best to scare any living being from the garden with their joyous screeching.

“I don’t know,” Peter pretended to ponder, “they seem a bit subdued, don’t they? I would have at least expected something to catch fire when they got their acceptance letters.” He had hardly finished the sentence when a loud whoosh sounded and one of the decorative shrubs that were strewn across the lawn was ablaze, covered in bright purple flames – sparkly flames, even. Neither James nor Sirius seemed to care all that much, though. They were now quoting lines from the letters at each other, sparks still flying around and leaving trails of glittery dust in their wake.

While Peter flinched and muttered something like ‘my mother really likes that bush’, Remus just rolled his eyes and aimed a strong Aguamenti charm towards the shrub. The jet of water quickly doused the flames, leaving the leaves hanging limply, a bit singed and still covered in sparkles. Next, Remus decided to aim the spell at James and Sirius, since they were only wearing swimming trunks anyway. He also knew for a fact that the Ministry protected all their official correspondence with water repellent charms, having received too many requests for new OWL score records after them being doused in celebratory drinks, and getting tired of it.

The cold water left James and Sirius spluttering indignantly, and it didn’t take long before both Remus and Peter were also drenched from equally cold jets of water from James’ wand. It was a rare warm day of summer, though, so they welcomed it with relish and a full-on water fight was raging within seconds, the letters from the Ministry lying forgotten on the ground, for the time being.

The four of them had soon swapped the lawn for the lake, after some slightly annoyed and vaguely threatening remarks from Peter’s father, shouted from one of the windows of the house. They were now spraying each other with lake water, wands left safely on one of the chairs.

Remus was just aiming a big splash at the back of James’ head, while he in turn was focused on Peter, when he felt something touch his ankle, and he was swiftly pulled under water. He turned on his axis and ended up with his face right in front of Sirius’, who booped him on the nose and quickly swam away again. Remus quickly followed him, trying to grab his ankles, but they were too slippery. He kept up his pursuit, because even though Sirius was the better swimmer, the full moon had been two weeks ago, so Remus was at the top of his not inconsiderable strength.

When he emerged from underwater, Sirius was about a meter and a half in front of him, also gasping for breath, but heading to the waterside on the left, where weeping willows had their branches hanging far over the water, covering it in shadow, dappled with rare spots of sunlight. Remus caught up with him just after he had reached the foliage, and followed him in between. The tendrils ended just above the water, so they were hanging over their heads like weird wigs, while they could still move freely underwater. Remus took hold of some of the branches and waved them in Sirius’ direction.

“That, dear sir,” he said, mock affronted, “was uncalled for. And dashing away afterward a sure sign of cowardice!”

“Uncalled for? That shower of ice cold water was uncalled for! I almost had a heart attack!” Sirius replied, batting away the twigs that Remus was still waving around.

“No, that was medically necessary, you both acted like you were stung by a Billywig! I had to stop you before you flew off, everyone knows that the sole cure for that is shock by applying cold water!”

Sirius just looked at him sceptically. “Sure, good cover story. You just wanted to see me all wet, don’t deny it,” he said, big grin on his face.

Remus was silent for a moment, thinking of a good retort. After the party in the Hufflepuff common room they had shared a few more kisses, mostly during the other parties and get-togethers that had followed, when the general atmosphere (and some alcohol) took the edge off the nervousness and where there wasn’t an opportunity to actually talk about things. That made things easier because there were no awkward conversations and no risk of finding out that one of them saw this as something different from what the other thought, but there was no certainty either and Remus liked knowing what he could expect. Which left him with two options right now: taking this opportunity of semi-privacy to actually _talk_ to Sirius, or just joke along and keep things light.

“Oh sure, ‘wet dog’ is such a tempting look,” Remus joked, scared to screw things up by turning this too serious all of a sudden.

Sirius laughed. “I’ll show you wet dog!” he said, before dipping under water and shaking his wet hair at Remus, actually making a decent dog-like impression. After that he dove towards Remus again, trying to drag him under with him. Remus spluttered but managed to stay upright, grabbing Sirius by the shoulders and twisting him around, so he could hold his hands behind his back and keep him, somewhat, under control.

“Bad Padfoot!” he said, laughing. “Ready to behave again?”

Sirius struggled a last time and then relaxed. “Yeah, yeah. You can let me go.” He sighed. As soon as Remus let go he turned around, pouting. “Using werewolf strength is cheating, you know?”

“Sure, sure, blame it on that,” Remus laughed. “But, hey, I got the slight impression that you and James got in? Auror training? There you’ll learn plenty of tricks to best me!” he said, brightly grinning.

“Yes, we did. We start next week already! Then you can officially say your boyfriend is an Auror Apprentice!” Sirius beamed at him, looking like he was on top of the world.

Remus looked at him, forgetting to tread water for a second and almost sinking under. He quickly kicked himself upwards again, spluttering.

“Is that what we are, boyfriends?” he asked. Apparently they were having this conversation right now after all. He tried to keep his tone neutral, even though he suddenly felt as jubilant as Sirius had looked when he’d received his letter. Apparently Sirius did take this as seriously as Remus felt about it. Sirius looked at him quizzically.

“Well, yeah? Aren’t we? I mean, we kissed, multiple times. That’s what boyfriends do.”

“Yeah, of course, but-” Remus replied, but Sirius interrupted him.

“Unless that’s not what you want, of course.” Sirius had turned very red, and sounded almost apologetic. “I mean, if you just did it for fun, that would be fine, of course, I mean, there are probably plenty of people you want to kiss, I know you kissed that girl in Ravenclaw once, she was very pretty-”

Remus just looked at him as he rambled on, baffled, until his brain caught up with him and he shushed Sirius.

“Ssh. No, stop. Of course that’s what I want, you idiot. I just wasn’t sure if you did, and, you know, it never really came up.” He looked a bit sheepishly. “So, I guess it’s official then?”

Sirius just nodded enthusiastically and dove forwards to kiss Remus.

 

It was over 10 minutes later when Peter and James came looking for them, finding them still hanging under the willows, quite literally. They had both twisted some branches around their left arms to keep from sinking, and were holding on to each other with their right ones, snogging enthusiastically.

“Ahum,” James interrupted them. “So sorry to spoil the fun, but we were thinking you might have drowned.”

“Yeah,” Peter piped up. “You were gone for ages, and our pond is way deeper than you’d think!”

Remus reluctantly let go of Sirius and turned to the others.

“Sorry, got a bit distracted with the celebrations.”

James looked at him and pulled up an eyebrow. “Great that you’re so enthusiastic, Moony, but, no offence, I hope you’ll congratulate my admittance to the program in another way!”


	10. Things you said after you kissed me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years post Hogwarts. Sirius is feeling really tense and Remus needs to figure out a way to get him to relax.

Sirius sat on the ground in front of Remus, shirt off, head hanging down between his knees, arms slung around his legs. Remus had his hands (and half of Sirius’ back) covered in oil and was trying to work loose some of the tension that was almost constantly captured in Sirius’ back now.

The end exams of the shortened Auror program were coming up soon, causing Sirius to fret endlessly; the war in general had everyone who lived in England on edge most of the time, and just last week Sirius had received the news of his father’s passing. While there was no love lost there, it was still quite a shock, and it brought back all the emotions of Regulus’ death and funeral too. Add a long series of night shifts to top it all off and the result was the bundle of nerves and knotted muscles that sat on the rug in front of the fireplace. Dead on his feet but too tensed up to be able to get some sleep.

Remus had been working on the muscles for more than fifteen minutes, but he could hardly notice any difference. He squeezed Sirius’ shoulders with both hands.

“Come on, lie down on the rug, this isn’t going to work.”

Sirius just groaned and after a bit of prodding from Remus let himself fall sideways and then slowly stretched, lying down on his stomach. Remus sat down beside him and grabbed one of his hands, softly stroking over the fingers and massaging the palm. Slowly he worked his way up the arm and to the shoulder, after which he switched to the other arm, giving it the same treatment. Afterwards, he worked his way downwards from the shoulders, this time not really working on the muscles, but simply trying to get Sirius to relax. When he reached the top of Sirius’ pants he was still tense, still almost as rigid as when he had first lain down.

Remus gave up and lay down next to him, softly stroking Sirius’ back. “What’s bothering you? I can almost hear the gears turning.”

Sirius just shrugged. “I don’t know. Nothing. Everything.” He groaned and pushed his face into the rug. “I just want to freaking sleep, but I can’t,” he murmured.

Remus kept stroking his back, trying to think of things that might help. Usually Sirius was snoring halfway through a massage, conveniently leaving him unable to return the favour. Now he seemed too strung up, too caught in his own mind to be able to drift off. Well, maybe that was where the answer to all this was hidden. He sat up and prodded Sirius in the side.

“Come on, Sirius, I have an idea, a way for you to relax.”

Sirius lifted his head and raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

“Change into Padfoot for me?” Remus asked. Sirius looked like he was about to protest, but Remus stopped him. “No, please just do it, okay? Just trust me.”

Sirius still looked puzzled, but grabbed his wand from beside the rug and turned into the big black dog. Remus crossed his legs and patted on them.

“Come on, lay down here. You always tell me your thoughts are calmer, simpler when you’re Padfoot, maybe you can relax this way.” He buried his fingers in Padfoot’s coat as soon as he was within reach, and he could hear a big sigh coming from him as he did his best to curl up on Remus’ lap, his hind legs and tail hanging onto the floor, simply not fitting.

Remus slowly kept stroking the fur, now and then catching his fingers in knots as he dug deeper into the coat. He could feel Padfoot slowly letting go of some of the tension in his muscles. After a while he conjured a type of brush that they had once used during Care of Magical Creatures, and he started to brush Padfoot’s fur, gently working out the knots and matted fur that had gathered at some spots. Every now and then Padfoot let out a big sigh and draped himself more and more heavily over Remus’ legs, which felt like they were steadily falling asleep. Every time he dared to stop brushing, Padfoot let out a pathetic sounding whine, urging Remus to keep going.

Just when he was about to finally make Padfoot move, whether there was whining or not, so he could stretch his legs a bit, he heard a soft snore coming from the big beast that was using him as a pillow. Remus bent over a bit and saw that his eyes had fallen shut and he seemed to finally have fallen asleep. Resigned to a bad case of pins and needles later, Remus decided to just keep brushing, not willing to risk waking up the snoring ball of fur.

 

Jolting awake all of a sudden, Remus was confused for a moment. Judging by the light that was falling into the room, it was very early in the morning. He wondered why he was in his living room, and not in his bedroom like he should be. He was also wondering why he had woken so suddenly when the reason for both points came into his field of vision. Padfoot stood over his head, and licked Remus’ face, which was probably also how he had been woken. Remus threw up his arms to fend off another slobber.

“Stop that! I’m awake!” He sat up a bit and felt his back protesting. “Ugh, dog breath is even worse than morning breath, no need to combine the two!” Padfoot just looked at him, looking like a perfectly innocent dog that would never do a thing like licking someone in the face, before turning back into Sirius, who quickly got up on his feet and held out a hand to Remus.

“Get up, so we can continue snuggling in bed. I sleep fine on the ground as Padfoot, but you looked really uncomfortable. Wouldn’t do to get me relaxed and you all knackered, right?” He pulled Remus onto his feet and they both stumbled towards the bedroom and into bed.

They cuddled together under the blanket, Remus tugged comfortably in Sirius’ arms. He had almost drifted off again when Sirius had one last thing to say. “Oh, before I forget. I’m warning you now; there is no way I’m brushing the werewolf’s fur next week, no matter how bad your back feels.” Remus just smiled as he fell asleep again, glad his relaxation plans had worked so well.


End file.
